Finalization pics

Blogger Fail.

I have written this blog like 3 times along with posting a bunch of amazing photos and each time, once I clicked "publish", it would all disappear. This has been very frustrating as I seem to have less time or energy to blog as of late.

Anyway, I don't even know where to begin. So much as has happened since my last post. Do I recap our finalization? Christmas? His first birthday celebration?

Well, between the Finalization and Christmas, December was a crazy month. I need to send out another HUGE thank you to all who helped make our finalization happen. The money came in....every cent. And we couldn't be more grateful or feel more blessed. We have the most amazing friends anyone can ask for and even strangers sent in money. We have to give praise to God for reminding us how we are never alone.

My adoption world seems to grow daily as I continue to meet more beautiful families. I am so happy my son will get to grow up knowing so many other kids with families that look like his.

I know I need to post a ton of updated pics, but I am going to try publishing this small note to test if blogger has decided to like me again.

Hugs to all!

It IS a Wonderful Life.

About 9 years ago, I saw the Jimmy Stewart film, "It's a Wonderful Life" for the first time. It is a favorite of my husband's. We had been married a couple years and were having dinner and a movie at a friend's house. For most of the film, I was trying to suppress a massive anxiety attack as I had realized, I was indeed married to George Bailey. My husband constantly put others' dreams and needs before his own and struggled with fear that no matter how hard he worked at at it, he just wasn't enough to make my world and the world around us a better place. He was (and still is) George Bailey.

Now please remember, I hadn't seen the film before, so I didn't know the happy ending that was coming, so I was terrified. But the ending came and I had to try to hold back the sobs. There have been multiple occasions where we were in need and our community of friends came forward with unbelievable support. And we have felt like the Bailey's do in the end: massively rich, because we have amazing friends.

Right now, I am living in that moment at the end of the film when people come to the Baileys with money in their hands cause they heard George needed it.

Last December when we submitted our adoption application to our agency, we thought we might get matched with a birthmother by summer at the earliest. I mean, we had funds to raise and I was teaching full-time; we thought summer was taking an optimistic view of how long it would take to be matched. On our application, we said we were open to any race, but we were praying for a Haitian-American child because my younger brother is Haitian. The agency would tell us later that they laughed when they read that detail because they never served a Haitian birthmother before and they thought it was oddly specific. A few weeks later, a Haitian-American woman at 33 weeks pregnant walked in the door!

Our agency called us and asked if we would like to expedite our adoption and get a profile ready immediately to show this birthmother. We expressed our concerns about how we were not financially ready to pay for an adoption and they said they would work out a payment plan. So we rushed and got our profile ready and the agency began our home-study. They showed the birthmother our profile along with a few other couples and she picked us not knowing we were praying for a Haitian child. Talk about meant to be!

Usually in most domestic adoptions, you finalize 90 days after the child is placed. He was placed in our home March 12th. Well, after long delays, we finally received our finalization date for early December...right before our son turns 9 months old. About a week and a half ago, our agency informed us that they had just learned from our lawyer that the agreed-upon payment plan that we're due to complete in April will not be approved by the judge and if we want the judge to finalize our adoption, then we have to have to pay-off the remaining $5,000 by November 23rd. Our budget is tight as it is with our payment plan. So, we began to pray. God has brought us this far, this quickly, right?

Then a wonderful thing happened. Our friends began to spread the news and money began to come in. This was not expected or requested, but their generosity has humbled us greatly. As of this moment, we still have $3,916 to raise. We continue placing things up on eBay and I am finishing a new collection of handmade Christmas ornaments this week on Etsy. I know, we don't have much time. But, we are keeping faith that God will provide all our needs.

I want to say a big thank you to all of you who have supported us and to all who have been praying for us!

with much gratitude and love,

--Libby

Please Help

On Tuesday, October 26th, tragedy struck our church family and the world lost an amazing person. Larsen Hunt, was brutally murdered by her exboyfriend. Its hard to talk about with turning into a crying mess, so I am going to post a link.

Larson leaves behind a 5 yr old son named Aidric--who has autism. We are all trying to carrry on her dream of finding a cure and getting Aidric all the therapy and help he needs. If you have an extra buck to give, please do so.

Thank you.

http://www.hope4aidric.org/

Autumn Fun

This picture above is from Election Day. We made it a family affair and dressed up.

The streets were safe on Halloween with this Super group!!

Our Incredible Hulk!!


Well, the weather has finally cooled and it finally feels like Fall....too bad we had to sweat through our Fall festivities. It's been a life changing couple of weeks.

We had a packed calendar full of Fall festivities, weddings, and family fun.....but life had other plans. We did get to go to our local Pumpkin Festival, which is where some of the above pics are from. We went with friends who are adoptive parents as well and my two sister-in-laws and mother-in-law came too. The Festival was huge and we only covered a third of it---due to the heat and the realities of having a 7 month old. But I look forward to making this a family tradition and going through the corn maze and hay maze with J and his siblings. J got to go to his first circus that was there and he seemed to really enjoy it. After the festival, the family went to Cracker Barrel and basked in the air conditioning and comfort food.

We had a Trunk or Treat and a kids Halloween party also on the calendar but due to sickness and a tragedy (that I will get into in my next blog) we had to miss both of those things. We did get to go Trick or Treating. We met in a park with friends and had a picnic and then went trick or treating to the nearby houses. It was so much fun and J was wonderful. He's such a great kid. He was the Incredible Hulk and you will see him pictured with Batman, Ironman, and Supergirl. It was a Superhero Halloween.

With each "kid event" that we get to be a part of as parents, it starts to sink in that we are finally parents. I still can't believe it at times. But I am so grateful that we are no longer that "childless couple" at family events making sure everyone else's child is having a good time. My heart breaks for those who are still waiting desperately to have a child of there own and as the Holiday season bulldozes ahead, I pray you will find joy and peace.....and embrace sleeping in.

baby love

Ok, so here's some new pics. He makes my heart explode with love, joy, and peace.

living in defense mode

Attachment. It's a word adoptive parents hear....and if your the kind of adoptive parent who went to pre-adoption classes or read books on adoption, you have heard that word attachment A LOT.

And if you are like me, you constantly worry about it. Studies have shown that kids who have proper attachment with their adoptive parents--especially the mother have less behavior issues later in life.

There is great emphasis that when the child first comes home, that the mother be the primary caregiver and that you wait 2-6 months on having a babysitter...etc. With infants, having even grandma hold the baby for long periods of time is greatly discouraged. There are a lot of different opinions regarding attachment and a lot of do's and don'ts. We had have these kind of conversations a lot with all our friends and family who have not adopted to prepare them.

Of course friends have disagreed. Some spoke to other adoptive parents who didn't worry about proper attachment and told us we were crazy. But I ignored them and moved on, but recently, a dear friend, let loose in a public way, their disagreement with my parenting decisions. And I am left pretty angry and hurt. Their anger stems from my lack of church involvement in the last 6 months.

I have been married for 11 years. And for over 7 of those years, I have begged God to allow me to be a mom and start my ginormous family. Sometimes, I was so depressed, I literally couldn't get out of bed. And then it finally happened. I became a mom.

Attachment isn't just about the baby attaching to the parent. It is about the parent attaching to the baby as well.

I did not carry my son in my belly for nine months. I did not feel him kick. I did not give birth to him. When I look at him, I don't see any resemblance of myself or my husband. One day I was not a mom and the next day a total stranger was placed in my arms.

My greatest joy came at Hannah's (the birthmom) greatest heartbreak. In former blogs, I have talked about my love for her. I'm not going to pretend for a second that he's better off with me as his mother. I saw her with her daughter. I saw her with him. She is wonderful. And knowing how badly she is hurting, breaks me. And then I look at this beautiful, happy boy I get to love and he has her eyes, her smile. It took a long time to begin to feel like his mom and not his very lucky baby sitter or legal guardian. Don't get me wrong, loving him was instant. But the motherly attachment builds every moment. And of course it doesn't help that when I go into public, I get asked about his "real" mom while I am still working at feeling like his real mom.

So, I wanted to take time and be with my son. I wanted to take time and bask in the joy of motherhood. I wanted to take time, no make time for attachment. And I don't regret it and I wouldn't change it. But I hate that instead of just basking in the joys of finally being a mom, I have to defend myself. I have left him with a family member or close friend to go have dinner with my husband. I have left him with my husband to go have a mommy break with a girlfriend almost weekly the past few months. I'm not scared of leaving him with people. I just want to enjoy being his mom. My adoption facilitator advised waiting till he reached the 6 month mark before leaving him in the church nursery. She has 14 children (9 through adoption) and has fostered over 90 children, so I tend to take her advice. He turned 6 months on a Friday and was in the nursery the following Sunday.

Anyway, I just want to focus on my kid and how my family dynamic has changed now that there is a child involved. My family is more important than my church life. And in my prayers with God, I know He wants me to focus on my son. I belong to two church growth groups and that doesn't count my adoptive mom group or a very active social life with other couple friends.

I'm not a shut-in. I just have different priorities now. And I guess I just needed to vent about it. I love my son. I love being a mom just like I love being a wife....and that's all I want to be right now.