Friday, May 28, 2010

sleepy time

just a few pics of our sleeping angel.....We're savoring as much sleepy snuggle time as we can get.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I'm still in shock that I could be someone's mommy. After J was placed in my arms, it seemed the most asked question was, "How does it feel to finally be a mommy?" and that question was always followed up by (before I could answer) "Isn't it wonderful?"

It is wonderful, but that feeling of mommyhood wasn't instant for me.

Please don't misunderstand. I fell in love with him in an instant. My heart was full of joy and gratitude. But I spent two days with Hannah (the birthmother). And I love her. I enjoyed her company. He has her face, her eyes. When I would look at him those first few weeks, I saw her and I felt guilty....but oh so grateful.

It felt kinda like babysitting at first.

Now it doesn't. Those mommy moments happen more and more like when I am the only one who can get him back to sleep or when I am with other moms and the reality hits that I don't have to sit there being the childless auntie anymore.

I'm told by my friends who have biological children that it took awhile for them to feel like somebody's mom, so maybe it has nothing to do with adoption and more to do with the expectation that you are supposed to feel like a totally new person as soon as you meet your child. It's like when I got married, I was so happy and grateful, but I was still me. It took awhile before I actually felt like somebody's wife.

At two weeks, while at the doctor, J was screaming his head off (having just been circumsised), but the moment the nurse handed him back to me, he stopped crying instantly. I was a crying mess, because he was crying, but in that moment when he stopped crying and felt comforted.....I was hit with a rush of adrenaline. He knew me. Both nurses had tried to calm him, but just my hands touching him, calmed him. It felt amazing. He just wanted his momma....He just wanted me.


love that babyface!!

here's J...

I've been wanting to upload more pictures, but blogger has not been agreeing with me.

J is almost 3 months now. He has bit of a cold--runny nose and a cough. We had a post placement home visit yesterday from our agency. I am so anxious to get to finalization day. We received some sad news regarding our son's birth family, which we won't discuss for privacy reasons, but we do ask that you keep us, and Hannah in your thoughts and prayers.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

the easy rider

ok, saw this on Martha Stewart yesterday and I have to get this for J's 2nd bday. It is a pedal-less bike (they use their feet on each side--kinda like a scooter with a seat). It's how the Europeans teach their little ones to ride a bike. It teaches them balance early on so they won't have to ever use training it looks like a lot of fun too!!!