My lovely wife has asked me to write an entry in the blog for nearly a year now. But, between being swept away by the joy of playing with J and being consumed with all the tasks of work and life, I haven’t had the energy to form a coherent string of words. I don't know if these will be coherent either, but I do know they are filled with delight and gratitude.
My lovely wife is napping, as is our son J (along with our scruffy puppy). Our home is very still and I’m listening to some new music by an old favorite through my iPod. We just attended a fantastic superhero-themed birthday party for one of J’s little amigos. Last Saturday, we walked the beach with our son for the first time; where he watched the sunset and attempted over and over again to dive into the waves. This life seems incredible and impossible to me. After years of longing for our son, we have been given this gift.
Just after its release, I listened to the audiobook of LOVE WINS by Rob Bell. My favorite quote had nothing to do with beliefs about heaven or hell. It had to do with parenthood. Rob Bell wrote “the Father’s love cannot be earned and it can’t be taken away. It just is.” The love we have for our son comes from the Father. His love transforms our hearts. His love widens our vision. God’s love is the only reason our hands can open up to receive any gift, especially the gift of adoption.
We were welcomed into the shared-parenting of J by his birth-mommy. God's love was the source of her ability to welcome us. Our parenthood was not earned, much like our adoption into the family of God is not earned. It just is. It’s a gift.
My lovely wife and I spend a lot of thought on how we will raise J and his brothers and sisters to come. The words Laughter, Joy, Encouragement and Forgiveness keep coming up in these conversations. We don’t want to squash or squander this gift.
I know I do not want to teach J things he will need to un-learn later on in life, especially about God and His grace. I want to show him by example that he can trust the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob…the God of his father, grandfather and great-grandfather. Our hope is that J will open himself up to the incredible Love that never leaves you abandoned. Our desire is that J encounters Jesus and His winsome love. Our dream is that he will walk with the Spirit of Truth and not live in fear.
But, these hopes, desires and dreams aren’t fulfilled in “pre-packaged” programs and spoon-fed dogma. The Grace of God will seek and find J, through whatever wilderness has been set before him. The Good Shepherd will care for our son when he is questioning, doubting, grieving and even cursing the faith we will share with him. We are able to rest, knowing that our prayers are heard by the Father who adopts us out of a joyful, selfless love that we can barely conceive.
When J was a few weeks old, we would get up for his 3 a.m. feedings and read the Old Testament in order to stay awake. J and I read the life of Joseph together during those early mornings. We read about the dreams God gave Joseph and of his alienation from his brothers. We read of the love Jacob had for Joseph. We read everything: the dreadful losses, the dizzying successes. We read of years of plenty and years of famine. We read of deceit and struggle. We read of forgiveness and reunion. We read of God's Grace and how simply un-fair that Grace must be. Thank God.
My son will not grow up to be perfect. He will have weaknesses and he will face the enemy. But the lullaby medley that J falls asleep to is completely true. J can rest in its truth.
Jesus loves you.
Jesus loves the little children.
He’s got the whole world in his hands.
Don’t worry about a thing, ‘cause everything’s going to be alright.
Gracias,
Jeremy
