Thursday, July 15, 2010

what are they so scared of?

The other day, I received a phone call from a woman wanting to adopt and she wanted to know about my experience with the agency I used. They had given her my number.

I told her the truth: that I loved them and planned to adopt several more children with them. Then I told her about my son and how he became apart of our family.

The lady then begins to tell me how she is not a racist but could not possibly raise a black child. She was planning on adopting an Asian child, but could not raise a black one. I'm sitting there with this perfect child asleep on my chest trying to stay polite.

Unfortunately, I have heard this a lot. I have met several couples desperate to become parents, and willing to adopt any race except African-American or in my case, Haitian-American. In fact, in my state, African-American boys are considered "special needs" because so few people are willing to adopt them.

So if you don't mind....I'm going to send an angry rant out into the blogger world.

How ignorant and stupid are these people?!! Not to mention, yes, racist. I said it, racist. What are they so scared of? A child is a child. No matter their hair color, eye color, or skin color. They all need love. They all need a safe home. They all need parents. Why do they think raising a black child would be so different from raising a child of any other race? Just because a child is black does not mean you have to become "ghetto" or play "ghetto" music.....(something I have heard people worry about). Seriously, music and baggy pants are their concern.

So your daughter is from Asia, so you try to connect her to other Asians. Are you telling me you don't want a black child cause then you'd have to connect them with black people and that's something you don't want to do....and yet you still argue that you are not a racist?

Gabourey Sidibi who starred in the movie "Precious" is a talented, bright, and yes, African-American girl. Have you ever heard her give an interview? Do you know what music group she is obsessed with and by obsessed I mean OBSESSED......she can tell you every known fact about this is not lil' Wayne or Kanye is NSYNC. She loves bubblegum pop and thinks Justin Timberlake is the bees-knees. And then I have a dear friend who grew up in a small white town where the KKK would meet and burn crosses in the fields. She is white and went to a white school and a white church and you know what's in her CD player? Every kind of gangsta rap possible.

Being black doesn't mean your culture is the "street-gang" culture. Just like being white doesn't mean you live in a double-wide, drink cheap beer, only listen to country music and marry your cousin.

It is ignorant and arrogant to generalize any people group.

A black child is not another species. And I am sick and tired of hearing people complain about how they want to be parents, but won't take a black child and in the same breath say, "I'm not racist. I have black friends." But yet you feel you are not capable of loving and parenting a child with darker skin?

My little brother is Haitian and six years old. The lady on the phone asked, "Well, now that he's six, is he asking questions about being a different color and what do you say?"

I told her this, "Yes, when we brought J home he asked what color is he? R (little brother) said from his picture he looked peach. I told him, well, when he was first born he was peach but then his skin got darker and it is beautiful like yours. He then asked, "Is he dark brown or light brown?" I told told him in the middle like R. And isn't it awesome? Just like some people have red hair or brown hair, some people have light skin or dark skin and it is so awesome and wonderful that God wanted to use all the colors in the crayon box. It is beautiful."

My husband and I want a large family. And when it comes to deciding on who or where to adopt we have decided to say, "Yes, Lord...and Thank You." We have no preference for what nationality, ethnicity, culture our children come from. We will simply be obedient and love them with everything we have.
And yes, of course we will celebrate their culture's history. If there are other holidays, we will have them, if there are languages to learn, we will do our best to learn them. I will cook the food and celebrate all there is to celebrate about who my child is.

But most of all, I will love them and tell them they are beautiful and created by God...just like every human is. And that fact is to be celebrated and embraced.


  1. I don't get it either, why people can't wrap their minds around the idea of white people raising a black child. Love is what makes a family. Not skin color.

    When our kids get married, they will have some super cute bi-racial babies. And probably adopt some super cute ones too. Heh!!

  2. I loved reading this. My mom asked me the other day how I would deal with having a transracial family when the time came and I honestly think that we have so many families and friends around us who are in the same boat that we will feel like the "normal ones" compared to a plain old family of one nationality. By plain I mean no disrespect, but the more colorful the more interesting in my book! I think that families that are joined by love are the most beautiful of all! -Sarah

  3. It's just so crazy to me! They are missing out and it makes me sad.

  4. I experienced the exact same thing when telling someone about our agency. They were desperate for a child, but would only consider white, knowing we adopted AA. People just don't think before they speak!