a new memory

Today marked our first official Adoptive mom play group. We really need to come up with a name for it. Anyway, J has 5 friends all around the same age....all boys. There are others who couldn't make it.

I'm so excited for not only the friendships J will have from this new little community, but for the friendships my husband and I will have. I must admit it was so nice to be in a group of moms who didn't spend the whole time talking about their pregnancy and labor.

Please don't misunderstand. It's not like that kind of conversation makes me sad or anything. I once had a friend turn to me and say, "I'm just so sad you won't get to experience the wonder of birthing a child." I was thrown by the comment, but I wish I would have replied, "I'm just so sad you won't get to experience the wonder that is adoption." Because it has its own beauty and wonder.

It's just I have nothing to add to the conversation of pregnancy and then someone always tends to give me a pity look. So I usually just sit there bored...waiting for the conversation to end. What stinks is I have some friends with some very painful infertility stories and I hate it when some women make some really insensitive comments when discussing their pregnancies.

So today it was so nice to sit in a group that had similar experiences and understood the roller coaster ride that comes with adoption.

But the sweetest thing was J's reaction to my friend's son. Both boys couldn't stop laughing at each other and smiling. J is almost 6 months now and her son is 7 months. At one point they grabbed hands and kept laughing and I tried to take a picture, but the memory card was full.....so I'm trying to hurry and delete pics before they let go and of course the moment I get enough pics deleted, they let go...moment gone.

But we have never seen J react to other babies like that and I can't wait to see what adventures him and his new bff will have as well as the other awesome 4 little guys. And the moms are all great so I feel even extra lucky.

I'm just so grateful J will grow up knowing other kids who are adopted as well as other trans-racial families. No mom wants their kid to feel isolated.

Baby Don't You Cry...but Mommy might

I was living in NYC when I saw the movie "Waitress". The writer, director, and actress in the movie: Adrienne Shelley was murdered during a break-in before the movie was released. She lived in NYC...so when the film was released, it was a big deal. In the film, Adrienne wrote a sweet song that Keri Russell sings.

At the end, I cried. It is a happy ending. But I cried for Adrienne and her family (her two yr old daughter appears at the end of the film) and I cried for myself. I was desperate to have a child in my life to sing to.

As of late J will only fall asleep if I am holding him. He also stops crying as soon as I start to sing. If I stop singing, he gets fussy. It is sweet, but when it's for every nap and bedtime, I have to admit I found myself exhausted and tired of singing and wishing he'd sleep in my husband's arms. Of course that feeling fled quickly as I remembered how I dreamed of rocking my baby to sleep and singing to him.

I have sang all sorts of songs......old Sinatras, Sunday School songs, every kind of lullaby I've heard, a song my mom made up, Stevie Wonder, etc. But I forgot about Adrienne's song.

The other day I was baking for company coming over for dinner and J wanted to be held all day that day, so I found myself in the kitchen holding my 22lb 5 month old in one arm and stirring batter with the other. He had been crying because I had set him down for a second to crack eggs and I started to sing "Baby Don't You Cry".

J stopped crying and I started to cry as I realized, I finally had someone to sing it to.

Here's a little bit of the lyrics and if you haven't seen the film "Waitress", go rent it...but I warn you. You will want to bake pie or at least eat a slice of it.

"Baby don't you cry

Gonna make a pie

Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle

Baby don't be blue

Gonna make for you

Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle

Gonna be a pie from heaven above

Gonna be filled with strawberry love

Baby don't you cry

Gonna make a pie

Hold you forever in the middle of my heart"

he takes my breath away

My friend Leslee came to the house and took some wonderful pictures.....here's just a sampling.....

I'm not his baby sitter.

Any fellow adoptive moms out there have all heard the same horrible questions using the phrase "real mom". eeeeek. I hate it and shudder every time. I wish it didn't bother me as much as it does. And I know the person saying it doesn't mean to be hurtful, but it is. Do they not see me as real mother?

My son has a birthmother and we love her very much. But I am his real mom. I am not his baby sitter. He is not out on loan. I am not a pretend mom. I think that's why I hate the term so much. I feel like they are saying the birthmother is his real mom and I'm just out there pretending.

I'm not pretending. This is all very real. My love and commitment to parent him his real. He is my son and I am his mom.